What happens when it feels like "everyone" is on Ozempic - except you??

I want to address the elephant in the room...and I don't mean me!

"Everyone" around me seems to be getting thinner - and whether they are doing it the old fashioned way, or using other forms of intervention (jabs, surgery, drugs...) I still look at my slightly saggy and somewhat squishy 50 year old body and think...should I be doing it too!?

But let's look at the reality...while I may know a few people in my circle who have lost weight - and that is not a crime - no-one should EVER be made to feel shame nor guilt for doing what is right for them!! - and my social media feed has a number of svelte figures parading around...this isn't "everybody". And on top of that - we also know that "thin" does not necessarily = happy, nor healthy (mentally nor physically!) - for anyone - including ourselves!!

As a burlesque instructor - the very nature of my job is to embrace and empower all shapes and sizes - the power of burlesque is in the artistry not the base aesthetic! In burlesque our energy is all about sensuality, charisma, and individuality (and unlocking it in every performer - whatever their own hangups)...so while I do understand that some of my students may worry about their weight and I will sometimes signpost them to the incredible people I know who might be able to help eg Dr Gus Chaves - I like to keep my burlesque space as one that focuses on movement, expression and empowerment.

It is a struggle. Of course. I grew up in a dance environment - and in the 80's where my weight was judged, criticised and made fun of constantly. While I was good at the skill, I was never going to "make it" as a dancer because I didn't fit the "look", and because when you are on the heavy side, you can't do the jumps or the lifts with quite the same finesse - or at least I couldn't! But reaching adulthood, and even up to about two years ago when I completed my instructor qualification - I was seeing a very positive shift to a "body acceptance" approach - not excusing health issues nor ruling out healthy intervention, but one where judgement was left at the door.

Fast forward just two years to today...

Now, I know that no-one in my circle who has lost weight (and even if they haven't or are naturally slim) would ever judge anyone else (in fact the majority of us are often too worried about ourselves for a carcophany of reasons many unrelated to weight to point fingers), but I get this can be difficult to appreciate when you are in the grip of an insecurities downward spiral, triggered in part by the current visual climate. And I do go there too...sometimes...and it's not always weight related!!! But one thing I don't do - and I urge others not to either - is put that feeling onto someone else. Writing this blog is (I hope) more about you, the reader, connecting with and understanding my thought process, than asking you for validation or reassurance - when I know many people have barely enough of that for themselves!!

But the frenzy around weight loss doesn't escape me - because it begins to feel NOT as per my blog title "everyone is on Ozempic (or any of the other jabs!) except me" but that my worth and my value is tied to my appearance!!

Well F*** that!

If my friends were to describe me - they would probably go with my achievements (itself an issue I know!), or

my hair, or the fact I'm SE Asian - if looks were a necessary part...not my weight. I would also hope they would go with my positive traits - my approachability, generosity, depth...!! One of my besties would use the word "Iconic" - and I love him for it!

When I teach my squad their routines, when I perform, in fact when I do anything - ESPECIALLY be in your company - you don't need me to be thin - you need me to be free!

Living well is about presence not "look", and while a certain "look" (and what do we mean by that really!?) - can be something we might have a preference for - it is not a pre-requisite for self respect, nor fundamenal attractiveness!

...and whether it shocks, surprises - or I hope inspires - I've started to post a few more of my choreography videos - and yes I'm in fishnets, and yes you can see cellulite - and yes - I'm rocking the moves - and I KNOW my squad will too!

...Because when we perform it's about captivation not objectification.

Questions to ask yourself for any insecurity

• With whatever I want to change - WHAT am I actually seeking?

  • Acceptance?

  • Ease?

  • Health?

  • Admiration?

  • ... Often it's not about the thing we want changing, but the "fantasy" of what our life would look like without it...And a little something else - ARE YOU REALLY going to love yourself more if that change were to suddenly happen!?...because for many, if we get that change...and DON'T do the internal work we'll simply find something else that's wrong!!

However, if we know what it is we are really seeking, deep down, when we blame it on what we percieve to be wrong - we might find we can make little changes towards THAT and the "other thing" resolves or matters less!

• Then ask - when I criticise myself - whose voice am I actually hearing and what are they telling me?

  Our inner critic often comes from past experiences or people and in perpertuating THEIR thinking in our minds and hearts, we are not only hurting ourselves - but risk hurting those around us by what we are continuing to channel.

• And as for making any changes - by all means - do so, but separate the outcome from your value.

Dr Audrey Tang is a chartered psychologist, an award-winning business author, leadership trainer and burlesque instructor.