Don't "perform" Christmas - enjoy it!

If you've started to put up your decorations - ask yourself this question...who are you doing it for? If it's you - absoulutely, go ahead and enjoy it. If it's for the likes and validation of the "#perfectchristmas"...maybe it's time to pause.

This year, how about you don't PERFORM Christmas and instead EXPERIENCE it???

TIPS:

1.        Decide is what, for YOU is a perfect Christmas?!  Forget social media photos, forget what the in-laws “have traditionally” – what is a perfect Christmas for you?  Then ask …perhaps a little way in advance, your loved ones (the ones who will actually be spending Christmas day with you!) – and together perhaps you can plan a day that everyone can contribute to, and perhaps get something out of!

2.       If it’s your turn to host, and last year your sister did it “oh so well” in her new home and it even snowed.  Planning and organisation may be a start – if you’re going to do it, at least make it easier on yourself by having a clear list of what you need to do, and perhaps with timings…again, this may be best done a little bit in advance of “the big day”.

3.       Forget the need for an "insta-worthy" Christmas: Regarding any social media accounts which are driving you to post pictures of the "#bestchristmasever" – put them on your "unfollow"/"mute" list!

4.       If you really struggle at Christmas because of mental health concerns try these to help your family help you (can help people with depression) – or might help if the busy parent needs help from guests with a child who might struggle:

- Create a “coping” checklist and show those you are spending Christmas with.

- Have things that make you feel better easily accessible eg. Music that calms you; or photos that make you smile; or smells that evoke positive memories.

Think about being honest about any diagnosis or additional needs to friends and family (or those with whom you’ll be spending Christmas). If they don’t know much about it, signpost them to websites or books you’ve found helpful.

- Make a list of websites or books which you found helped you, and give this to them to read.

5.       Be clear on your own boundaries or limitations so you do not over promise and underdeliver! It is very easy to promise something when we are in a good mood, so always be conscious of what you can realistically do. It is better to say "no" at a time when others can find an alternative rather than agree and let people down at the last minute.

6.       Gifting with a cost of living crisis:

We know there is a cost of living crisis, so perhaps set a limit on the amount everyone will spend, OR even decide to MAKE presents this year.  Perhaps instead each person can bring a dish, or perhaps think of/create/bring one thing to entertain others.

a)       Make the expectations clear at the outset, people know what they need to do, and if anyone does go “overboard” – they know (as do you) that you have been clear and this was THEIR CHOICE.  AND if you do notice that one set of grandparents gives many gifts and the other set do not, or you know there is favouritism, perhaps have a quiet word with the “givers” and explain that while you are grateful for their generosity, you want to teach your children to look after one thing well – or perhaps see if instead they might wish to spend the money on an experience for all of you.

b)      You might also consider donating the excess gifts – with children – which could give an opportunity to talk about sharing (let them choose the gifts they wish to give other children less fortunate).

And remember, in and of itself, the excitement of Christmas, the pretty lights, the nostalgia, the atmosphere can actually buffer the effects of stress positively!! Celebration helps us “stay in the moment” and enjoy exactly what is going on – there is often so much happening we can keep negative distractions out by turning our focus to the conversations, the dancing, the positive things we can engage in. We also get to dress up and that often makes us walk taller and good posture is also helpful for both mental and physical health (slumping brings with it feelings of low confidence, and can lead to physical aches and pains), and the novelty of wearing something special can also boost our energy.

So remember, savour those lovely moments, experience the events, and make new memories – a “performative Christmas” is for Instagram, Christmas itself is for you and those you love!

Dr Audrey Tang is a Chartered psychologist, award-winning business author, and a burlesque instructor.