It's what you do when it goes wrong that matters!

Everything looks great when it's working - flights, appointments, projects... When things are going well, it's easy to give great reviews, and sing praises and pledge loyalty. But for me, I prefer to consider what you do when it goes wrong! That's where the real test of character is.

Take flying for instance, I will always fly Singapore Airlines to Asia, and Delta to the States because when things go wrong - lost luggage, delays, cancellations - they deal with it, smoothly, efficently, and before I even have to ask - unlike an host of different airlines (at least BA is quick with the compensation!!) And right now we're having some work done in the house - all plain sailing until it wasn't...and then it was (and still is) an utter s*itshow of project management!!

And that's the same with people - when things are on the up - it's easy to feel good, but what happens when they are not? Do you lash out and push the responsibility on others to "save" you - or do you take control and say - right - this isn't working for me...what will? And this can be true of our relationships too...who is there in your time of need and who isn't (but a small caveat with that...i) Are they supposed to be there for you - is it really that sort of relationship? and ii) ...and if so - are you there for THEM??)

In the majority of cases, things go smoothly - when I talk about flying for example, it really is only a small percentage that have problems in the bigger picture, but at the same time - if that is part of your job - DEAL with it!!

Resilience research suggests that there can be 4 outcomes to adversity:

• Succumbing

• Getting through with injury

• "Bouncing back"

• Springing forward - thriving

In the latter case it is because the adversity has given you skills and unlocked strengths that you never knew were there - and you can then grow even more than you did before. When things go well, we may not stop and ask ourselves - what part of that was really down to me...and this can be a big life error!! (An article in HBR reflected on "Why leaders don't learn from success" - and encouraged us to ask ourselves two questions when things go right:

1. What was down to personal action and what was down to circumstances or luck?

2. What can be replicated?

...which can go some way to unravelling the "halo effect" of ease.

Of course I don't wish life to be hard - on anyone - but the reality is that it is. And granted we're all in different situations where some opportunities and avenues of help which are open to one may not be to another. But even so you can often still act.

When I was writing my PhD I found in my literature review something called the "Service Recovery Paradox" - this was when people showed more loyalty to a brand when it went wrong and fixed it, than if it hadn't gone wrong at all!!

Things going wrong is both inevitable (at some point if you do something enough!), AND an opportunity to show what you are made of...take it!

Dr Audrey Tang is a chartered psychologist and award-winning business author, and burlesque instructor.