What'cha gonna do when the chips are down?

Not only is this a fabulous number for Tony Award-Winning musical Hadestown, but it can be taken both ways - the chips are low/it's a losing streak, or the actual meaning also from gambling - you've played the call, now there is nothing more to be done!!

...or is there!?

Recently I had the pleasure of speaking on a panel at an M&S Event - launching their new Sparks Loyalty programme (it's fabulous - the rewards are meaningful, and the offers tailored)...but what I loved was that they really wanted to know from a psychological, personable (rather than marketing) perspective - why are people loyal? And one of the theories I discussed was one that struck me in my PhD was the "Service Recovery Paradox" (McCollough & Bharadwaj, 1992)

The Service Recovery paradox proposes that if a customer has a poor service experience, but it is then resolved in a satisfactory manner - the service received more loyalty than they would have if everything was fine...

(I know I've written about this before...everything is great when everything is great...but when it goes wrong - that's when it's the true test of character.)

I believe this also sits in the same space as the HBR article "Why Leaders Don't Learn From Success" If you merely think that success is completely down to you, you have done yourself a disservice. Success may have occured due to luck, social climate, environmental factors, even other people's efforts...and whether an outcome is good or bad, it is always wise to reflect on it and think about what elements could be (or should not be) replicated (and which ones were circumstantial!)

That is not to say you cannot re-create/create environmenal factors, but if you don't realise they played a role, you're on the back foot.

So this brings me back to - what learnings do we take from these two situations:

Personally/Professionally

Recognise the reality of the situation you are facing. While a confrontation or conflict may not be your fault - it has become your problem, and needs to be dealt with. And if it was your fault - then reflect on why that was the case (and it isn't always down to personal factors!) If in part the person you are interacting with needs to be "managed" - then the best course of action is to be curious and try to actually hear what they are saying - rather than lead with defence.

Situationally

What in the immediate environment could have contributed to the win or loss? Is that a one-off or could it be changed for next time? What might have occured that wasn't predicted which helped or hindered the outcome? What circumstances made that event possible.

Recovery

And now what are you going to DO about it? (and a secret from my PhD - the customer doesn't want to be king, the customer wants their problem solved!)

When someone feels heard and understood, not only does their mood change very fast, but resolution is often much easier - they can often tell you what they want, and you either have to trouble their generosity for time to make sure it's done, or if you have the tools and ability you might be able to address it right away (and if you don't - perhaps you know who has the authority to do so). And in saying this, I am also not saying the customer is always right - but when there has been a misunderstanding, part of recovery is explanation agreement rather than shaming!

So, this week, whether you are buffing up your CV, reflecting on a recent personal or professional interaction, or dealing with this in situ:

• Be realistic about what caused the situation

• Ask questions rather than jumping to defend or shame

• Take action to redress the balance

When the chips are down, it's positive or healthy relationships that often get us through...and they can still be worked on and if done well - reap rewards exceeding what they might have otherwise!

Dr Audrey Tang (AFBPsS) is a chartered psychologist, leadership trainer and speaker in the area of wellbeing and confidence, and award-winning business author.