Can a chatbot relieve loneliness?

...Actually, before I even start I think the answer is "yes" - and sadly because we're a bit of a disjointed mess in real life...or is that just me!?

Research shows that a third of teenagers use AI chatbots for companionship and more than half of adults report feeling lonely, and recently the Independent ran an article of a therapist using AI to explore whether the therapeutic relationship can be emulated...and while she had concerns (as do I) - many of those commenting certainly felt that in moderation, ChatGPT is pretty good!

But let's dial it back and start first on the problems I can see - within all this "connection" - many of us are lonely!

There are two types of loneliness experienced – emotional (the companionship of a specific person), or social (not having a wider network of friends).  Unfortunately, in a fast-paced world where project-based workloads may mean moving constantly, or a lot of travelling, friendships can be less “rooted”, and certainly less easy to form. 

And when someone feels lonely not only is it a feeling of invisibility but it can affect our cognitive processing – research has found that someone who is experiencing loneliness can exist in a state of “hyper vigilance” which can make them more wary and expectant of a negative response from others – and this can lead to a vicious cycle in real life – where if you are expecting negativity you might act in a way that elicits it and there is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Social media and other forms of technology can “simulate” company, but is it the fundamental connection that many humans desire, and is it even healthy in the long term?

Is it safe to use AI chatbots for companionship? 

Yes (with caveats)  – on the one hand you must recognise that you are conversing with a tech company that wants to learn personal data rather than someone who is catfishing with nefarious purposes…I’m not saying it’s better nor safer long term, but the immediate consequences may not be as drastic.  The problem is, if one becomes too attached to the chatbot…and the empathy chatbots use is designed to keep you online (likely for the purposes of learning more about you) ie “Would you like me to…” rather than “How about you go out and try…” which a Therapist may offer as a homework task.

Further, an AI chatbot cannot adequately substitute for human interaction especially in the understanding of nuance and an agenda which is aimed to help you grow NOT keep you online.

BUT, the reason I wanted to put this into the context of loneliness is because it feels as a society we are becoming more disconnected, and, the sad part is, the AI Chatbot is sometimes the best that is on offer. 

So if we are using AI – what are the red flags of someone experiencing negative effects?

-          If someone is always going back to the chatbot /spending all their time there – which in turn may lead to behaviour changes in real life – there may be questions beyond “are you ok” that need to be asked.

-          Withdrawing from things “in real life” that used to bring pleasure is another sign that there is something more “enticing” (although not necessarily healthy) that is commandeering their attention.

-          Any changes in behaviour from the baseline would usually indicate something is different emotionally…HOWEVER, this does rely on all of us paying enough attention to each other to notice that something is wrong – or at least different.

Are there any benefits to using AI chatbots for loneliness?

-          There are benefits in asking AI for suggestions of what to do if you are lonely (but then going out and doing them, not getting caught into the “would you like me to make a pdf of these things for you”)

AI can give you a sense of validation that your feelings are real – which is very important…and truly sad if you are not getting that from those around you… on the positive side this validation can boost your sense of self esteem and value enough to reach out to others, BUT it can also be very addictive and you might then turn to AI simply for validation (which it is programmed to give) unlike in real life when toxic views can be challenged, or called out, and distorted views of reality can be addressed.

It is also worth pointing out that AI operates on a cognitive level...if you have, like me, a preference for cognitive empathy (giving and recieving) - it might well work in the short term to get you back on track (and back out doing life); but AI will never be an emotional substitute.

So, if you are lucky enough to be part of a community – embrace that experience foremostly, and keep an eye on others…we always say if someone is down check in on them…but we need to know what they look like when they are “up” – and that also means looking up from our phones!

Dr Audrey Tang (AFBPsS) is a chartered psychologist, author and leadership trainer in the area of wellbeing.