Less content - more connection!

I nearly choked on my own medicine the other day...for a long time I've been talking about the "Psychosocial health and safety" approach to psychological wellbeing (Karen Scholes is one of the UK researchers in this field), where organisations are encouraged to treat psychological wellbeing in the same way as physical ie:

If I go to work and fall down a hole - health and safety fixes the hole...they do NOT give me coaching to walk around the hole; they do not give me training in getting out of the whole!!...yet if I'm burned out - I get coaching to be more resilient; and training to "cope with stress""...in other words - sometimes you have to fix the SYSTEM not just support the individual.

Anyway, while I was creating my content - I host a mental health show and podcast called "Mental Health Matters" which I do ensure is expert-driven as while we share lived experiences we foremostly converse with expert practitioners and academics so what you hear are current conversations, and accessible (and research-based) interventions in the wellbeing arena...I was speaking with an expert in cyber-security, Danny Eastman, on online scamming. One of the things I was interested in was how to support aging parents to stay safe on line and the topic moved to romance scams.

As I started talking about what I'd seen from reading about and watching documentaries on the topic - is how loneliness is so driving a factor not just in enabling these scams to prevail...but in the reasons they continue and people are reluctant to speak up...I don't think it is feelings of shame alone that stop someone reaching out...but I (and this is not researched - I am throwing an idea out there) believe that sometimes a person can be so lonely that being in a "relationship" with a scammer is better than nothing at all.

Hold that thought...

The conversation turned also to the use of phones in childhood - and again while we can talk about "fixing the person" - ban phones, educate people, set age and time limits on social media, police online interactions better etc etc... I found myself on a second soap box...why are children online so much in the first place!? Because like the person who is so lonely, they'd rather be scammed than have nothing (or perhaps have an AI partner than nothing) it's a "nicer" experience than the offline alternatives!

Don't fix the person - fix the situation.

I think we in part created the problem.

Yes, of course technological developments will always be happening, but when they are being exploted and abused through emotional means - I have to ask...have we created a world that is so devoid of healthy and happy human interaction that a ChatGPT partner - who can only SIMULATE emotion - better than nothing at all!? Are we really so disconnected that my elderly mum would rather chat with someone on "Words with Friends" than reach out to me...and I am so busy that I can't make time to see her? Do we really have no more ideas than "sit the child in front of a screen" - than maybe go out for a walk together (no phones!?)...and I ask this because I don't think we really are productively busy when we make these excuses - we could be occupied...but are we actually just scrolling facebook ourselves!?

Whatever it is we are doing - I implore you - GET OFFLINE AND SMELL THE FLOWERS! Ok, if you need to whatsapp a friend and ask them to go for a walk with you, that's fine; and if you are paying your rent online that's fine too - but what I mean is please don't let virtual reality become the substitue for actual reality. Architects talk about the 1st space (home), the second space (work), and the thrid space (leisure)...if the 4th space has become "online" - let us use what is in our control to change it.

Perhaps if we spend more time in conversation, we wouldn't need to give the next generation lessons in small talk; If we spent more time with our parents (or made sure they had an offline network that we trusted in our absence), we wouldn't have to worry so much about them clicking a spurious link; If we went out and met people as a matter of course - even if it's just saying "hi" or at least a telephone call (or ok, if need be - a text message) to "check in" we wouldn't feel quite so lonely/anxious/depressed?

I know this of course doesn't address those who have rifts in the family, or are working three jobs to make ends meet - but there are other practical and psychological interventions open...but on the basic, low level that we can affect our corner of the world, ask yourself - what can I do to change the system?

Very simple changes we can make:

• It's a start if you can put your phone away over dinner

• Maybe you can play a board game rather than sit around the TV (with the temptation to return to your phone)

• Perhaps we can leave our phone at home and go out for a walk...or at least switch off all notifications!

• Then we could check in on our parents and arrange to spend regular quality time with them...if it's not so easy because they are far away - have a regular time to give them a call (not a text)...oh and I know it's hard (my parents were both of the "I don't want to be a bother"...but my dad never complained when I picked him up from dialysis every Tuesday and took him for lunch, and my mum was delighted when we made the 3 hour round trip to Hastings every other weekend...it wasn't as much as I perhaps I could have done...but at the time it was what I could manage both practically and emotionally...and I'm glad I did it.

Even now I am considering a repurpose to my TV studio space...downsizing to my podcast studio only and using the freed up areas to encourage more interaction - gallery displays, small events and talks, classes and the like...less content, more connection!

But you don't need to create a structure, just make one simple change to your routine to connect better with others in real life...for me, that's checking in better with my friends...and this has led to much deeper conversations, which surprised (and delighted) me...and maybe, if you want to leave me - or in fact anyone you appreciate on social media - a comment - that could lead to a more meaningful interaction than a like alone!

Dr Audrey Tang is a chartered psychologist and award-winning business author. She hosts Mental Health Matters on LinkedIn Live and Podcast and teaches Burlesque for Confidence.