Look up and see the glimmers

Dr Stephen Porges brought the term "glimmers" into psychology - these are small micro moments in the day that calm the nervous system, and remind us that we're ok. I want to emphasise the word "MICRO"!

Too often I'm seeing "packaged" wellbeing on sites such as LinkedIn where coaches are promising "transformation to Living the Dream" or "Getting the Life you Always Wanted"...and this is at best - selling false hope, at worst it can be harmful...and before someone pulls out a tweet I've posted similar to that from years back...yes I might have thought that way once, and yes I've learned since then and changed my opinion...and practice!

Let's get real - life, whether you are a jet-setter earning millions, or, well, the rest of us...life can be a bit shitty sometimes! And before you say "oh well, the millions help" - yes they do BUT ONLY TO A POINT!! Research has shown that beyond a certain amount (I believe it's around $75000 anually (around £55k) - happiness plateaus...and I should also add that while the problems faced at >£55k may be different to <£55k - there are still problems.

Life has its ups and downs...that's LIFE, it's chaotic, it's imperfect, it can be a roller coaster...and part of living well is that the lows help us recognise the highs. It wouldn't be realistic nor sustainable to life at the higest peak of "joy" 24/7, but what is incredibly possible, is micro mindset shifts and behaviours that can make life feel good, or at least OK (and ok is ok - honestly!) a higher percentage of the time.

This can start with "glimmers".

A glimmer can be feeling the sun, seeing a rainbow, stroking a pet, being smiled at...these are not huge, they wouldn't be "marketable"...but I don't think a good life needs to be...BUT it does need to be worked at. Martin Seligman the founder of positive psychology would add that the more we train our brain to recognise glimmers or the micro positives, the more we will see...and a glimmer doesn't need a gratitude diary, it doesn't need formality...it just needs to be seen!

Sadly, if things aren't great, paying out a load more money to clever marketing promising to "change your world" is likely not going to help...BUT simply keeping the money in your pocket (and even seeing that as a "glimmer" ) while looking out for the moments where you just breathe and say "OK that's nice" is a practical and healthy start. I'm not saying don't do therapy - that's a very different thing - but if thriving is on your "to do" list, it often starts small.

And on that note - I mean it when I say "OK" is ok, "nice" is ok too...somewhere in the overly saturated wellbeing market those words have become a bit villified.

So my challenge for you today is to start small...micro even...and notice those tiny moments that make you smile.

I personally think it's not about "living the dream"...but living a life that's good...in reality.

Dr Audrey Tang AFBPsS is a chartered psychologist and award wining business author.